what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
