i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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