im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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