I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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