Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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