Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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