Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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