you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
