You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize