he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dear god my vagina.
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