we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
vagina is talking i cant
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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