i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
