It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
