I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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