I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize