did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
