mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
that's an acceptable place to lick
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
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