he puts the penis in happiness.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
