i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
