What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
