he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
