you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize