someone get that fucking seahorse.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
