If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
