I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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