It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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