Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
