Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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