You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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