so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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