I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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