I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
