As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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