I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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