Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
