hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
