Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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