please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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