In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
