Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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