His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
