We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
