he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
