we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
