i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so let's talk penis.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
