I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
