the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
