Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
