I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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