Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
