u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
