Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
