I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
