I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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