ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
