My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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