i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
