I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
