I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How does one acquire holy water?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
