I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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