it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
