I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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