it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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