Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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