in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
