Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
