Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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