And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
